Wandering the Wastes with Danse
by slothssassin
Summary: This story will be about the relationship between my Sole, Jules, and the very handsome Paladin Danse. They're wandering the wastes together, getting to know each other, slowly becoming friends and maybe even more. Will feature fluff and later on some nsfw parts ;) Enjoy reading, I hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1 - The first night

It was the first night I spent with Paladin Danse as my companion. I still didn't know why I took him with me. He was so passionate about the Brotherhood, a feeling I actually didn't share. In fact, I hated most of the things the Brotherhood stood for. I'd rather stay with the Railroad, I appreciated their ideas and I really wanted to help as much Synths as I could. Not that I would mention that in front of the Paladin. So why did I take Danse with me? Because I wanted to be a Knight of the BOS? Hell no. Because I wanted to infiltrate the BOS? Maybe. But to be honest, mostly because I was sure there was more to Paladin Danse than the loyal and honourable soldier. I wanted to get to know the _man_ behind the Paladin. I've always had a thing for men like him. Nate… he had been quite alike. He had had a hard shell, but I expected a soft core. And I had been right about that. Maybe I'd find that soft core in Danse too.

Today, we had searched for a piece of tech for Scribe Haylen and marched on to the National Guard training yard. Knight Rhys not only wanted that place cleared of ghouls, he also thought it would be a nice quarter for soldiers of the Brotherhood. It felt kinda weird to bring Danse, who was technically our commander, to such an easy and boring job, but he didn't mind. At least as far as I could tell. Maybe he had been too long on board of the Prydwen. I had the feeling he enjoyed wandering around the Wastelands, fighting against raiders, ghouls and nature. Danse wasn't really talkative like Mac or Deacon or Nick, but his presence was still enjoyable.

After a rather hard fight with a glowing one and the fact that we would have to face the Commonwealth at night, we had decided to stay at the National Guard and prepare the place for coming soldiers. Cleaning out the corpses and setting up a turret took more time than I had expected, but Danse did a great job and was working with a faint smile on his face. It was strange to give him direct orders, strange to know that he was the one following _me_ although he had recruited me and had a higher rank. I tried to reword my orders, I wanted them to sound like simple requests.  
"Could you please bar the door?" was actually the last thing I had said to him like an hour ago. I didn't mind the silence between us, I mean, what should I expect? We've been travelling together for a day only, so… I had turned on Diamond City Radio on my Pip Boy and was humming to the songs while working. When the last dead ghoul was removed and out turret was quietly rattling on the roof, I was so glad to finally sit down. Sighing, I let myself fall into a well-worn but comfy looking armchair and turned off the radio. I really didn't want to hear _Butcher Pete_ for the third time today. Danse was still standing, almost filling the room with his power armour. Looking into a broken mirror on the wall, he let out an annoyed growl.

"Ugh I got ghoul blood all over my armour and my hood."

"Oh wait, I've got something to help you out."

Searching my giant backpack for a can of purified water, I didn't see how Danse took of his hood. But when I looked up, I was quite surprised to see he had hair. Dark and clean black hair. Why was I surprised about that? I don't know. Maybe because he looked ten times better without the hood? And he had been quite a sight before. Anyways, I caught myself staring at him longer than I should have before I got up to give him the water.

"Thanks." Danse said, giving me one of his rare smiles.

He always seemed so serious and on duty that I was glad to see he was able to smile from time to time.

"You're welcome." I said, turning my back on him to go and look for the cleanest mattress I could find.

God I was tired. But whenever I had to sleep outsides of Sanctuary, I made sure to use a mattress without blood or dirt or whatever else on it. I know it's stupid and that I should get used to it, but well… I didn't grow up like that. I had had clean sheets and showers whenever I wanted to. Damn, that was something I really missed. A second later I felt bad, knowing that Nate and Shaun should be the ones I miss, not hot showers.

When I finally found not just one, but two almost clean mattresses, Danse helped me to bring them to the warmest, most welcoming room of the National Guard. Sighing again, I took of my armour and sat down on one mattress, resting my back on the cold wall, closing my eyes for a moment. A squeaking noise some moments later made me open them again. Danse was sitting down on the mattress placed opposite of mine. He was still wearing his freshly cleaned power armour. I had to chuckle.

"You should lubricate your armour with oil, you know."

"I'm afraid I don't see a reason why I should do that."

God, he was always so formal. _Because it's creaking, Danse._ I thought, but decided to let the matter rest.

"Don't you ever get out of your power armour?" I asked instead.

"Of course I do." Danse sounded surprised. "Why do you ask, soldier?"

"I just don't think it's very comfortable to sit down with a power armour on." I guessed that answer would've been better than to explain it was actually meant to be a rhetorical question.

Danse looked down, seeming surprised to see his armour on him.

"I might be a bit used to it. I only take it off for a shower or to sleep."

I smiled at him. A few minutes passed in silence before Danse got up again.

"This might actually be a good time to take the power armour off." He said, grinning awkwardly. It made him look a few years younger. With a loud, clanking sound he left his armour, placing it next to the entrance to our room. And this, this was the second surprise for me on this evening. Damn, Danse was buff! He wore this super tight orange BOS uniform underneath and you could clearly see his defined muscles. I was used to men being rather skinny than fat in the Commonwealth, but Danse? This was a perfectly trained body. I could feel the heat rush to my face, and, to be honest, to some other parts of my body. He sat down again, starting to clean his gun and obviously didn't realise I was staring like an idiot. Good for me, so I had plenty of time to set my eyes on something else in the room. The broken chair next to the barricaded window. Wow. The fan standing on the desk. I should take that with me. But yeah, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help but glimpse at Danse every few seconds. For the first time, the silence between us bothered me. I started talking about the next day and the settlement I promised to help, and I even managed to hold the conversation. It was getting late while we were still discussing raiders, ghouls, deathclaws and other dangers, and with the time passing by, it got easier to chat with Danse.

"Proctor Teagan asked me to take supplies the settlements in the Commonwealth." I finally said.

It really irritated me. It was simply stealing if the soldiers weren't even allowed to pay with caps.

"Yes, the Brotherhood needs food and medicine on the Prydwen." Danse answered, not looking up from his gun, not noticing the anger in my voice.

"Sure. But don't you think it's just wrong to take supplies from settlers without giving them something in return?"

Danse hesitated for a moment and slowly looked up to me. Maybe he was trying to figure out if he should answer as a soldier or as a man?

"It seems incorrect to me too. But if the Brotherhood gives an order, we have to obey."

I grunted angrily. God, was he a loyal soldier. It really seemed like he knew nothing else besides the Brotherhood. Or maybe he just didn't care about anything else than the Brotherhood.

After this conversation, we didn't talk anymore. Or at least not more than a few words, including "Good night". I was lying awake for a long time this evening, thinking about Sanctuary and my friends there, where Shaun could be and if he was safe, if Danse would ever tell me more about himself. Pictures of him getting out of his power armour were floating through my mind. I tried not to imagine how he would look like without his BOS uniform… But I had to admit, I was getting curious how much of his hard shell I'd be able to break in the next time.


	2. Chapter 2 - Fort Strong

_A/N: Sorry this chapter got very long. I hope you still enjoy it!_

A few days had passed since I started travelling with Danse. We were now on our way to the Prydwen, Elder Maxson was still waiting for us to eliminate the Super mutants at Fort Strong. Damn, it was a long journey… We had helped two settlements in the northwest, so we basically had to travel through the whole Commonwealth. I really wished for a Vertibird, like other soldiers had one. Well, maybe I would be allowed to use one after retaking Fort Strong. But the long way also had a positive side, I mean, besides meeting new people and looking for small jobs. I had learned more about Danse, he really was able to open up a tiny bit, and in the evenings he sometimes joked and laughed, his serious face lightning up completely. He told some stories about previous fights, the mission that brought them to Cambridge, living in the Capital Wastelands and also revealed his liking for country music and strong Whiskey. Afterwards I had bought a bottle in a settlement. I still didn't know why exactly, but maybe we could uncap it after our fight at Fort Strong. To celebrate our victory. Or maybe as comfort… Of course I also had told Danse a bit more about myself. I felt like he just accompanied me without knowing what I actually wanted in the Commonwealth. He had been a great listener to my story, visibly upset that I had lost Nate and Shaun in such a cruel way. Afterwards he had put on his serious face and promised to help me as much as he could and to have my back no matter what. Needless to say I felt honoured and even a bit flattered, this was a lot of trust he put into me.

Finally, after four days of walking, several fights with Mirelurks, Raiders, Gunners and even an old Mr. Gutsy, we arrived at Boston Airport. Dirty, sweaty and tired as I was, I didn't lose any time talking to anyone, while Danse greeted every single soldier, yelling "Ad Victoriam" here and there. I wished I could just fall into my bed, but I knew Elder Maxson wanted to see us as soon as possible. So all I could do before meeting him was taking a quick shower, switching into a BOS uniform and giving my Vault jumpsuit an express cleaning. I didn't mind the hurry though, the showers on the Prydwen weren't private and being naked around a dozen other soldiers wasn't exactly enjoyable. I missed Sanctuary and thinking about it made me quite sad. Preston, I and everyone else who lived there now worked so hard to make it a nice place again. And it sure was beautiful, beds for everyone, walls without holes in them, even, well, a private shower. Damn I hadn't been there for at least three weeks. Before I started to travel with Danse, Nick and I had hunted down Eddie Winter. I had sent Nick home afterwards, to give him some rest, while I had made my way to the Prydwen. I missed my friends... But now was not the time to think about them. With a grumpy face I went to listen to Elder Maxson's strategy on how to invade Fort Strong. Danse was standing next to me, his appearance completely different than mine, his eyes shining with conviction, answering "Yes, Sir" to everything Maxson said. It was so much more pleasant to look at him than Maxson… I knew the Elder was a few years younger than both Danse and me (he wasn't looking like it though). This and my lack of enthusiasm for the Brotherhood made it hard to respect him as much as I should. But I had to admit, his strategy was well planned and clever. A Vertibird and a minigun, killing the Behemoth (whatever that was supposed to be), Danse and I invading the Fort while the Vertibird should stay as air support…  
After a small dinner at the canteen, Danse and I went to bed. I was pretty jealous since the Paladin had his private quarters on the Prydwen and I was sleeping surrounded by other soldiers. Listening to the quiet voices of them and the steady, squeaking sound the Prydwen made, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I awoke early on the next morning, feeling quite ready for the mission, but also a bit nervous. I met Danse at the canteen again and we had a silent breakfast together. Finishing his slice of bread, his eyes met mine, his face serious as usual.

"We should head off soon. Are you sure you don't want to wear your power armour?"

I sighed. I didn't like wearing the armour, it made me feel like a tin can.

"Yes, I'm sure."

Danse raised an eyebrow. He was pretty good at that.

"This will be a very dangerous mission, Knight."

"I know."

"You could receive an injury easily."

"I know, Danse."

"I don't understand why you would want to take that risk."

"It's because I like to snipe things. You know that I shoot better with sniper rifles than with pistols or laser guns."

"I think you're an excellent shooter no matter what."

It was the first time getting a compliment from Danse, and I actually went a bit red. To cover up my perplexity, I took a sip of water.

"Thanks, Danse. Hearing that from you sure means a lot. But I stick to it, no power armour for me."

"Well if that's your final decision, then we should get ready now."

* * *

After putting on my regular armour over the BOS uniform, I met Danse on the flight deck.

"Are you ready, Knight?" he asked me, looking a little bit worried.

"Got my sniper rifle, some Stimpacks, ammo, extra weapons… I'd say I'm absolutely ready, yes!"

He was still looking concerned, and I could tell he wasn't happy about my decision to go without a power armour. Smiling, I patted the cold metal of his armour.

"Hey, I'm not afraid, there's a Paladin on my side. We're going to retake this Fort with ease, don't you think?"

Danse hesitated, but answered "Positive" before we entered the Vertibird. It was my second time using a minigun and I was thrilled. Well, until I saw the Behemoth.

Holy fuck… Mac would have been pissed about this and the following curses that came out of my mouth. Wasting no time, I started shooting the giant Super mutant. The rattling sound of the minigun filling my ears, I didn't notice anything else that happened, my eyes staying focused on the Behemoth. After what felt like an hour of constant shooting at him, he finally dropped on the rough floor, blood seeping from his body, the other Mutants roaring with anger. It was only now that I realised how close the Vertibird was flying to the ground.

"We need to get out of here!" I heard Danse scream.

Seconds after landing on the floor, the Vertibird drifted off and exploded making an ear-deafening sound. Shocked and frightened, I tried to get up hastily. What happened to the pilot and the two other soldiers that had been on board? Right when I set my first steps to run after them, Danse grabbed my arm, holding me back.

"We can't do anything for them now. We have to get inside the Fort."

Seeing the disagreement on my face, he pulled me closer.

"We have to follow our orders. Do you understand?"

"No, we have to help-"

"Soldier" Danse cut me short, his expression changing "Jules. We can't help them now. I… I bet they're all right. Come on, we have to go now."

A bullet hit the ground centimetres next to my foot, reinforcing Danse's statement. Hurrying through the battlefield, we looked out for enemies. Most of them had been killed by the Vertibird, but Danse took out two mutants rushing towards us and I had the chance to silently snipe a Suicide Super mutant in front of the entrance.

It was dead silent when we entered the Fort. Dust was floating through the close air, our footsteps echoing loudly in the halls.

"Seems like they all went outsides to fight." I whispered, looking out nervously for traps or hidden enemies.

"Positive." Danse answered, his massive shape crouching in front of me, reloading his weapon. "But we should still be careful."

We didn't meet any enemy until we slowly entered the basement. We heard the Super mutants before they heard us, so it wasn't much of a fight. After we quickly secured the storey, we entered the armoury, the smell of gunpowder and cold blood lingering in the air. I took a sharp breath when the door parted in front of us. Hundreds of mini nukes filled the giant shelves, Fatmans hanging on the walls, rocket launchers, pistols, laser rifles, grenades…

"Outstanding." Danse mumbled, making his way through the long alley between two shelves. Thinking about what the Brotherhood could do with this amount of weapons made me feel slightly sick and panicky.

"I'm… I'm waiting outsides." I called, turning around to leave the room. I had only taken two steps when, out of nowhere, a mutant hound attacked me. There was nothing I could do but scream when he bit my leg, crashing my armour with his massive set of teeth. Within seconds, Danse was next to me, killing the hound with a single bullet through its head.

"Shit." I heard him curse for the first time.

"I told you to wear your power armour." He said, kneeling down next to me to inspect the wound.

I could only grunt between my heavy breaths. It got harder and harder to keep my eyes open, and I heard Danse mutter a few words before he lifted me up from the ground, sprinting through the basement, up the stairs, I saw stars on the sky, or maybe it were lights in my head, time seemed to pass so quickly, the blood damping my leg, the throbbing pain… I closed my eyes for a second and everything went black.

* * *

A few hours later I awoke abruptly. Not knowing where I was, I slowly sat up, my eyes trying to focus in the dark. Damn I felt groggy and numb, like I hadn't had sleep in the last few days. A light headache made thinking hard, and I couldn't see much more than the bed I was lying on and a hand lantern somewhere next to my head. I felt panic slowly rise in my chest, until I heard a familiar voice.

"You're awake."

My eyes still getting used to the darkness, it took me a moment to recognise Danse. He was sitting on a stool next to my bed, and although I should be used to it after a week of travelling together, seeing him without his power armour on still gave me a tingling feeling in my stomach.

"Danse… what happened?"

"You passed out when the doctor sutured your wound."

"I… passed out?" I didn't know why this should embarrass me, but it still did.

Danse gave me a friendly smile.

"Actually, you've fainted a few times before. You were fighting hard against unconsciousness. And you've fought very well at Fort Strong. Excellent work, soldier."

 _Oh right, Fort Strong._ Slowly, memories came back. The giant Behemoth. Danse and I fighting against the last super mutants inside of the Fort. The mini nukes. Hundreds of them. This goddamn hound sinking his teeth into my leg after we thought we had finished every enemy. The pain. Danse lifting me up with ease, carrying me outsides. Danse…

"How long have I been here?" I asked, clenching my teeth to fight against the throbbing pain in my leg.

"It's 2am in the morning now, we came back about 6 hours ago."

"And you're still sitting here." I smiled at him wryly. His presence meant a lot to me, to be honest, especially that late at night.

"I wanted to make sure you're alright. It's my fault you were hurt."

"No Danse, it's not!" _Where did_ _did he get that idea from?_

"I shouldn't have left you alone. I should have noticed you left the armoury."

"It's _not_ your fault! Come on, you told me three times to wear my power armour and I didn't listen! It's completely my fault, Danse!"

"But I should've checked if there were still enemies hidden."

"We did check, Danse. We both didn't see the hound. Stop blaming yourself."

He looked up to me, noticeably worried.

"Please." I said, before he could open his mouth again. A few moments passed in silence, before Danse cleared his throat.

"I'm glad you're okay solider." He said, slowly getting up from his stool. I grabbed his hand when he passed by my bed. Shit, why was my heart beating so fast now? Danse seemed confused, staring at our hands for a few seconds before his eyes met mine.

"Thank you for saving me, Danse. And thanks for caring so much."

He smiled before he let go of my hand and left the room. Turning on my side, closing my eyes, I tried to fall asleep. I could still feel Danse's touch on my skin. It made my heart rate rise, but at the same time, I got a guilty conscience thinking of Nate. I shouldn't feel that way about another man than him.

 _But he's dead._ A voice whispered in my head.

 _He's still your husband._ Another one answered harshly.

 _He died almost a year ago. It's okay to think about another man._ The first voice said, sounding kind and very welcome.

 _But not in that way._ The second one hissed when I let myself fall into the bed again.

The voices still arguing, I turned on my back, trying to ignore the pain in my leg, turning on my side again, trying to ignore my bad conscience, tossing and turning in bed, trying to think about something else than Paladin Danse, until I fell into a restless slumber.


	3. Chapter 3 - Sanctuary

My recovery took a little more than a week, but I was finally able to get up again. Sure, you could still see where the hound had bitten me and it still hurt, but I could walk, and that was awesome. I had never spent so much time on the Prydwen before. Usually I stayed only one night or I passed by quickly to bring Proctor Quinlan some new documents. In this week, I had learned that most people on the ship were more than just soldiers. They too were afraid, they had their own dreams and struggles and some of them didn't even agree with everything the Brotherhood stood for. Or at least that's what I had overheard sometimes.

Paladin Danse had come to see me every single evening and it made me feel all flustered. He usually spent a few hours with me, constantly asking how I felt, sometimes telling me what he had done the whole day and never leaving before midnight. He always looked worried and I never knew how to make him laugh, but some of my jokes made him crack a smile before growing serious again.

Now that I could finally stand up and walk around again, I immediately wanted to see Sanctuary. I missed it so much it hurt, and I also thought it would be time to show my friends that I was still alive. The next time Danse visited me and sat down on his stool as usual, I decided to ask if we could leave, and especially if he wanted to come with me. Lying in bed, my leg resting on a soft pillow, I saw him eyeing me up, his expression growing concerned again as soon as he looked at my wound.

"Hey, I'm so glad you're looking after me every day. Thanks." I said, really meaning it, and smiled at Danse.

"Sure." He answered "How are you doing?"

"Perfect. I'm ready to leave."

"You want to leave the Prydwen?" Danse contracted his eyebrows.

"Yeah."

I saw doubt on his handsome face.

"I want to go back to Sanctuary."

The Paladin didn't answer.

"I… I had hoped you'd come with me." I continued then, looking at a spot a few centimetres over his head. Danse hesitated for another moment.

"You want me to come to your hometown with you?"

"Yes."

"Isn't that where all your friends live?"

"Exactly."

"Why would you want me to accompany you there? I'm sure you want some time alone with your friends."

"But Danse, you are my friend, too."

I swear I could see him blush a little.

"I want you to meet them." I continued.

"Very well." He answered, smiling softly.

"We should head off in the morning then. Elder Maxson will let us use a Vertibird."

"Finally!" I whispered more to myself, but I heard Danse chuckle a little bit.

"But I'll make sure Knight Captain Cade will have a look at your leg before we leave." The Paladin said, his voice all serious again.

"If you insist."

"I do. We need to make sure you're able to travel."

After I agreed, we spent the rest of the evening just chatting. Danse told me about his first flight in a Vertibird and how excited he had been. I listened, glad that I had a legit reason to stare at his face, to study his expressions and to soak in every little thing he said.

* * *

When the next day came, I couldn't wait to leave the Prydwen. Maxson made clear that he wanted me to return as soon as possible, but all I could think of was Sanctuary and the friendly faces that awaited me there.

I was grinning from one ear to the other when we flew over the Commonwealth. For the first time in a Vertibird, I didn't use the minigun, but simply enjoyed the view. Danse was standing next to me, seemingly bigger in his beloved power armour, leaving no space for anyone besides the pilot and me. I noticed him glancing at me from time to time and when our eyes met he smiled, but I could see he was still worried. Yet there was no reason to be, since my leg felt absolutely normal again. The attack of the hound had left me a scar, but I guess I was lucky it didn't take my whole leg. Besides, scars were pretty common in the world I lived in now.

When I recognised Sanctuary in the distance, my heart made a joyful jump. Not even the pilot's need to land on top of the hill, where the entrance to Vault 111 was, could lessen my delight. As soon as we flew near to the ground, I jumped out of the Vertibird, waved to the pilot and turned around. Breathing in the fresh air of my hometown, I closed my eyes for a moment.

"Looks like you and your friends rebuilt a great part of the settlement already." I heard Danse's voice next to me.

"Yeah we did our best." I said "But we need a lot of new resources before we can continue building it up. So far, there are only two houses you can comfortably live in and nobody has his private room."

"You still achieved a lot here. It's nice to see something else besides the destruction of the Commonwealth."

I smiled at the Paladin's kind words. We rested in silence for a moment, until I spotted a very familiar hat in the distance. This could only be Preston. Every cell of my body celebrating my homecoming, I started to make my way down to Sanctuary.

* * *

"General!" Preston yelled in delight when he saw me waving wildly.

I couldn't stop myself from running towards him, happy to see his friendly face.

"Preston, how are you?" I asked when we finished hugging tightly.

"We're doing fine here, General. But we all missed you." He smiled "I have to tell the others!"

Jogging next to Preston towards the rebuilt houses, I chuckled at the Minutemen's calls.

"Nick! Hey, Nick! It's Jules, she's back! Deacon? Where are you? Oh there, didn't recognise you."

We all gathered in front of our main building, the house where I and my previous companions slept, and I couldn't stop grinning at the different faces. Danse stood a few feet behind us all, seemingly feeling awkward, almost like he didn't want to disturb our reunion. I noticed him squinting his eyes in annoyance when I hugged Nick though. Making sure to give him a deprecating stare, I let go of Nick to enfold Curie, Deacon (he got kinda used to my hugs) and Sturges. I knew Danse and I had to talk about this later, but for now I only wanted to enjoy the presence of my friends.

We had a BBQ this evening with a few beers, chatting lively and exchanging our newest stories. It made me feel a bit gloomy that Mac and Hancock weren't with us, since they headed off to pay Goodneighbour a visit, but all in all it was a wonderful evening. I even caught Danse leaving his power armour in order to pet Dogmeat, and after that he warmed up a little. It seemed like he got along with Codsworth pretty well, they were still talking after almost everyone else went to bed, and strolling towards them, I overheard their conversation about how to improve weapons.

"Hey. Are you alright, Codsworth?" I asked when I reached the two of them.

"Splendid, Ma'am. I'm very glad to see you again. You look wonderful!"

"Thanks, Codsworth! I missed you!" I smiled at him. He was all that was left of my old life.

"And I sure missed you too, Ma'am. But I don't worry anymore, now that I know you're in such marvellous company."

One of his eyes turned to look at Danse. Seeing the Paladin's chest swell with pride made me chuckle a bit. The three of us continued to chat for a while, until Codsworth mentioned it would be "a reasonable time to go to bed now". Danse followed me to the room I normally slept in. The three beds were all empty, since Mac and Hancock weren't in Sanctuary, everyone seemed to have looked for a quarter where they could be alone. I noticed the Paladin was standing in the doorway awkwardly.

"How about we open up that Whiskey I bought a while ago?" I asked him, trying to make him feel more comfortable.

"I'd say that's a good idea." He answered, slowly walking into the room.

"Will my power armour be safe outsides?"

"Yeah don't worry. Nobody here really likes to use them anyways." I answered, pouring Whiskey in two old, lightly cracked glasses. Danse sat down on one of the beds.

"But I've seen another one outside. A T-45, red-painted."

"What? Oh yeah, that's mine."

I offered him one of the glasses and sat down on the opposite bed. The room was dimly lit, the weak light of the few candle stumps softly enhancing Danse's facial features. I was glad he was busy sniffing on his Whiskey, or he might have noticed me sizing him up. I couldn't stop looking at his broad shoulders, his full lips, the soft black hair, his strong hands… I wondered how it would feel like if he touched me. The simple thought of it sent some shivers down my spine. My cheeks burned like fire when he looked up at me again.

"I thought you don't like to wear a power armour?"

I had to clear my throat before I could talk again.

"Yeah, that's right. But they can be useful. And I actually like to tinker around with them. See what I can improve or how to repair them."

Hopefully Danse didn't notice how stupidly nervous I was. The sudden wide smile on his face made my heart beat two times faster.

"Outstanding. Maybe we can work on the T-45 together. My T-60 needs some maintenance, too."

"I… I'd love to."

Not knowing what else to say, I raised my glass to him. We clinked glasses, and I was happy to be able to look into his hazelnut-coloured eyes for a moment.

Drinking in silence, I remembered that I had planned to talk about Nick with Danse. I didn't like the way the Paladin hated on every single Synth or Ghoul without knowing their intensions, their story or even their character. I even felt a bit bad because I had those feelings for Danse although he completely agreed with the standards of the Brotherhood, never questioning anything Elder Maxson or another superior told him. But maybe only because he didn't know life without the Brotherhood? Maybe he just didn't know better? Deciding to let the matter rest, I started talking about Sanctuary, what we did to rebuild it and what we still planned to do if we found the missing resources. Danse seemed really interested, and it made me happy that he even offered to help.

Later, when the both of us had went to bed, I wondered how he would look like when he worked in the bright morning sun, a bit sweaty, his hands covered with dust and dirt, concentration in his eyes. It would have been easy to fall asleep with this pleasant picture in my mind. Yet I couldn't. With a mix of great and enjoyable, but also guilty feelings, I had to admit that I just started to fall in love with Paladin Danse.


	4. Chapter 4 - Nightmare

The days we had spent in Sanctuary felt like a small holiday for me, a nice break from all the killing, shooting and bleeding. I had helped Preston to build some new generators, street lamps and a better water pump. The resources I had brought allowed us to finally finish a roof we had started months ago. Danse had been a real help. He was incredibly handy, repaired buildings with ease and still found the energy to improve his power armour. I had a hard time focussing on the hammer and nails in my hands while he was working next to me, his hair all messy, dirt on his fingers, his eyes full of concentration… The evenings we had spent in Sanctuary had been a pleasure too, it made me feel all relaxed and happy to have my friends gathered around me, to listen to stories and jokes and to think about something else than Shaun, the Commonwealth and the Institute. I was glad how friendly my previous companions interacted with Danse although he was a BOS Paladin. That was one of the things I really liked about Sanctuary: Everybody was welcome and treated with respect. Danse had been pretty quiet the whole time, keeping his thoughts to himself, but he had been an attentive listener and he sometimes even laughed at the different stories. The two of us had also managed to empty the whole bottle of Whiskey, always sitting together during the nights and talking.

Today though, Danse wasn't that talkative. Neither was I. We had left Sanctuary in the early morning hours, heading towards Diamond City, and it didn't take a long time until Danse started to ask me questions about Nick. I immediately knew that he had waited for this moment since our arrival in Sanctuary, and I couldn't hide how annoyed I was.

"He's a Synth. That's supposed to be the enemy. And you're keeping him in your hometown." The Paladin's voice sounding reproachfully.

"I'm not 'keeping' him!" I felt the anger rise inside my chest. "He's living in Sanctuary because he wants to and because we all like him."

Danse frowned, his thick black eyebrows contracting.

"Everywhere else Synths are not allowed. They're not trustworthy."

"Well Nick is way more trustworthy than a lot of other humans I have met on my way so far." I had a hard time keeping in step with Danse. He stomped forwards, his power armour clanking loudly.

"But why?" he asked, looking down at me, his face full of anger. "Why do you trust him? After all the Brotherhood told you…"

"Nick helped me to find my husband's murderer. He helped me to kill him. He did more for me than everyone else." I stopped to stare into Danse's brown eyes, my face just as angry as his. "That's why I trust him."

"He's still a Synth." The Paladin answered stubbornly.

"I don't care what he is."

"And I don't understand why you're ignoring what the Brotherhood has taught you."

I couldn't explain what I was feeling at this moment. Sure, I was quite disappointed how much of a BOS soldier Danse was. How furiously he defended their principles. Lost for words, I just continued our walk. Could I be wrong about Danse? I was so convinced he had a soft core, that he had his own opinion, that he wasn't completely controlled by the Brotherhood. On the other hand, I was able to understand his affection for the BOS. I knew he had never had anything as close to a family than his comrades, but I still hoped Danse would be able to think for himself.

"Maybe we just stop talking about it." I suggested, not looking at the Paladin.

"Fine."

I could almost hear him thinking 'for now', so I turned on Diamond City Radio and continued to look straight forwards. The silence between us rested long, longer than ever, but I was way too pissed to start talking again, although it really bothered me. I wanted to defend Nick, explain why he was a great friend, but I felt like it was no use at all. Besides I was afraid Danse would leave me if I started to argue again. The day seemed to be longer than usual, not even the hard fight we had with a bunch of raiders, the upcoming thunderstorm and the busy streets of Diamond City in the evening made it pass quicker. I was glad to visit Home Plate again; I still had to install some new lights and a working radio, so I had something else to think of than the dispute with Paladin Danse. We still hadn't exchanged a single word when the both of us went to bed in the evening. It was quite late; I was exhausted from the long way, so I drifted off to sleep easily.

* * *

Danse's loud voice made me sit up straight in bed a few hours later. Still dizzy from sleep, I wondered why he would wake me up in the middle of the night. It took me a moment to realise he was still lying down in his bed, obviously asleep, but speaking loudly.

"No… I can't… no!"

His voice was full of fear, sending a chill down my spine. Turning on the light on my Pip Boy, I could see he was rolling from one side to the other, sweat on his forehead, his hands clutching the blanket. From the first night on, I had noticed he had nightmares, but this seemed to be the worst one so far. Trembling uncontrollably, I got up from my bed. I didn't know why seeing him so vulnerable and obviously frightened made me feel scared too. Slowly, I walked over to his bed and knelt down. I had never been brave enough to wake Danse up before, afraid I might invade his privacy, but tonight, I felt like he really needed my help. I couldn't stand to see him suffer like this. Slowly, I reached out and touched his shoulder, shaking him softly.

"Danse" I whispered. He wasn't responding, still shaking and mumbling incomprehensible words.

"Danse!" My voice grew louder, echoing on the blank walls. "Danse, wake up, please!"

With a jolt, he sat up in bed, his eyes wide open, grabbing my arms with his hands, panting uncontrollably.

"NO!" I could see tears mixing with the sweat on his face.

"Danse, it's okay, you're safe, it's me!" I tried to calm him down, his grip on my arm growing a bit lighter.

"…Jules." His light brown eyes found mine "It's real, you're here."

"Yes, yes it's okay, you were having a nightmare, that's all."

I tried to smile at him, but seeing Danse so upset and scared made me feel anxious. He seemed to realise he was grabbing my arms and let go quickly. Intuitively, I reached out to stroke his face, feeling the beard stubbles on my skin.

"It's okay." I said again, suddenly noticing the intimacy of my touch, and pulling back my hand promptly.

"I'm sorry." Danse mumbled, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"You don't have to be."

"Thanks for waking me up."

"Yeah…" I didn't know what else to say. _I couldn't stand seeing you like this. I don't want to see you hurt. Whatever it is that you fear, tell me, I'll help you._

Although I'd like to know what it was that gave Danse his nightmares, I didn't dare to ask him. It was his private matters, of course. Looking up, I caught him staring at me. It seemed like the fight between us hadn't happened, all the anger he had had in his eyes before we had gone to bed had fainted, leaving only sadness. He cleared his throat.

"I uhm… I want to tell you what happened. Why I'm having nightmares all the time."

"Okay, sure." A second ago, I wished for him to tell me, but his decision still surprised me.

"Opening up to someone is not easy for me, but I think you should know what happened, so you can understand…" Danse continued, now focusing on a spot on his blanket.

Carefully, I sat down on the side of his bed, clearly feeling the warmth he radiated.

Danse took a deep breath before he started to talk. It was obvious he had never really shared his story with anyone. I tried not to interrupt him, only looked in his eyes, his face hard to read, while he kept talking. His friend Cutler, whom he met at a young age, seemed to have been the only close friend he ever had. From Danse's words, I concluded that the two of them must have felt great when they had joined the Brotherhood, maybe even feeling like they found the meaning of life. The Paladin hesitated a moment before he continued telling his story, shortly looking in my eyes. He told me how Cutler vanished a year after the two of them had joined the BOS, how he assembled a squad to search for him, and how he finally found his friend in a Super Mutant hive. Danse's voice started to shake lightly, his face tense, when he told me that the Mutants used their FEV to change Cutler into one of them. I didn't know what to say, but the story seemed to end worse than I had expected it. The urge to touch Danse again, to comfort him, grew stronger. At least now I knew why he hated Super Mutants that much. And to be honest, I couldn't blame him.

"He wasn't Cutler anymore. I had to…" Danse looked at me, seemingly desperate, his eyes full of regret.

"It was my duty to… to put him down."

Shocked, I tried to find the right answer. Nothing I could say would make him forgive himself, I knew that, but at least I wanted to make him feel better.

"You did what the Brotherhood told you to do." I wouldn't say it had been the right thing though.

"Then you understand why it had to be done." The Paladin answered, his voice not more than a whisper.

"Ever since Cutler died, I've seen other soldiers come and go." Danse continued, his hands fumbling with the blanket. "But I'd never consider any of them to be a good friend, a friend like Cutler was… until now."

I smiled at Danse's words. Showing affection was hard for him, so hearing that he considered me his first friend after Cutler meant a lot to me. Before I could answer, the Paladin spoke again.

"It's a good feeling, but it frightens me all the same. Having a bond with someone then losing them… it changes you. What happened to Cutler… it still gives me nightmares. I dream about him every night, I see myself shoot him…. I don't want to go through that again. I can't imagine how I would handle it if something happened to you too"

"It would never be that way with me, Danse. I care about you too much to let that happen."

The words came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. My cheeks burned and I literally felt the butterflies in my stomach, but I still found the courage to look at Danse. His face was full of surprise, and even in the dark room I could see him blush lightly.

"I… I didn't know you felt that strongly about our… well, about us."

There was a moment of silence that made me realise how close we were sitting. How easy it would be to take his hand… hell, I could even lean forward to place a kiss on his lips. And god, how much I wanted to do that… But I hesitated. It wasn't really the right time, was it? He just said he saw me as a _friend_. Was I even ready for a relationship? Shouldn't I still be mourning over Nate? Too many thoughts flooded my mind, my heart racing, I took another quick glance at Danse. He was still looking surprised.

"I'm sorry if I seem… confused. You've certainly given me something to think about. I just thought you deserved to know how I felt. If you feel that I've overstepped my bounds, I completely understand."

"No, it's alright. I'm glad you told me. I wish I could do something to make you feel better about Cutler though."

"Thanks. Having you at my side, listening to my story, already helped."

Giving him another shy smile, I got up. I wished I could just bend down and hug him tightly, but instead I left for my own bed. Danse lay down too, turning to face me. It was the first time I say him smile today, and it made my heart melt.

"I appreciate the fact that you took the time to listen. And thank you for waking me up."

"Sure. I hope you sleep well now."

"You too."

I turned off the light on my Pip Boy; Danse's smiling face still on my mind, the butterflies still in my stomach. I'd never imagined the day to end this way, not after the fight the Paladin and I had had. I still didn't share his views on Synths and Ghouls, but at least I could understand where all the hate came from. And at least I knew I was more to him than another soldier under his command.


End file.
